We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
