38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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