i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
