I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
