I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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