Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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