Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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