I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's Friday. Sex?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
