we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i think im in europe. pls send help
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
