Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
