Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
