I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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