You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
