what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
