only you would photoshop your dick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
