Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize