I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You made out with two different species that night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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