just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
