I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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