Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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