Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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