..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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