Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
