Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
