Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
