True but thats because hes a fetus.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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