how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
