i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
