stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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