he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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