I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
