you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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