I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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