you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize