Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
