I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
