i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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