Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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