just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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