I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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