Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm passing your future prison.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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