I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
