I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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