I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
