I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
