Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
