I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
