My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
