my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
