he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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