so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
