what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
