And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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