I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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