it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
