so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
