her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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