Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
