Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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