I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
