My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize