Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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