she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
