Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
