Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
