his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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