now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
