she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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