She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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