I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
And then he peed in my hair
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