You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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