dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
