I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
