end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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