The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
