i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
